Parenthood

Parenting requires a high degree of consistency and routine, which gives children a sense of control.

Parenting focuses on developing children's autonomy so that redundancy becomes a goal for parents.

Parenting style includes a style that takes into account the age and level of development of children. In other words, there is a convergence between expectations, discipline and strategies aimed at strengthening children's resilience and developmental age.

Parenting aims at the socialization of children. Parents provide children and young people with social scenarios so that they can discuss their wider social horizons. This social script helps them to negotiate in their online and offline worlds.

Children develop a growth mentality, not a mentality that suggests that the child's intelligence is fixed. Upbringing that develops a growth mentality combines a child's success with efforts and strategy, as opposed to simply recognizing and developing natural abilities.

Parenting focuses on encouragement rather than praise, consequences rather than punishment, and cooperation rather than obedience. This ensures that parental status is appropriate for the time in which we live.

Parents insist that children help at home without getting paid so that they learn to give rather than take.

Parental nuances take into account the order of birth, personal and gender differences of children. The size of one parent is not suitable for all children.

According to the best research available, the best parenting style is an authoritative style that represents a balance between hardness and care. In general, children are best at learning, mental health and wellbeing if they are raised by parents who use an authoritative parenting style.

Parenting style. Four types of parenting.

One interesting thing about being a parent is that there are big differences in the way we raise our children. At the same time, there are many similarities from one parent to another. In fact, the similarities are enough, so researchers have tried to group parents into four common parenting styles.

Your parenting style refers to a combination of strategies that you use in raising children. 

Baumrind's work in the 1960s created a common classification of parenting styles. The four Baumrind parental styles have different names and characteristics:

Authoritarian or disciplinary.

Tolerant or condescending

Non-participation

Binding

These Baumrind styles of parents are U.S. oriented, and it is not clear how well these styles describe parents in different cultures. Each parent style varies in at least four areas: discipline, communication, care, and expectations.

Four Learning Styles

Authoritarian paternity

Authoritarian parents are often considered masters of breeding.

They use a strict disciplinary style, where small negotiations are possible. Punishment is commonplace.

Usually, communication is one way: from parent to child. The rules are usually not explained.

Parents with this style are usually less caring.

Expectations are high with limited flexibility.

Permissive parenting

Generous or condescending parents usually let their children do what they want and offer only limited guidance or orientation. They are more like friends than parents.

Their disciplined style is the opposite of strict. They have limited or no rules, and usually let their children solve problems on their own.

Communication is open, but these parents let their children decide for themselves instead of giving them directions.

Parents in this category tend to be warm and caring.

Expectations are usually minimal or not set by these parents.

Carefree parenting

Uninterested parents leave their children a lot of freedom and tend to avoid them. Some parents may make an informed decision about parenthood in this way, while others are less interested in parenthood or not sure what to do.

No disciplined style is used. A non-participating parent usually allows the child to do what he or she wants, perhaps because of lack of information or care.

Communication is limited.

This group of parents offers little care.

There is little or no expectation of children.

Authoritarian paternity

Authoritative parents are reasonable and caring and set high, clear expectations. Children with parents who demonstrate this style tend to be self-disciplined and think for themselves. It is believed that this style is most useful for children.

The disciplinary rules are clear and the reasons for this are explained.

Communication is frequent and corresponds to the level of understanding of the child.

Authoritative parents take care.

Expectations and goals are high, but clearly formulated. Children can contribute to the goals.

Words of resistance which should be avoided when talking to children.

Our choice of words when talking to children is important when we try to get their cooperation. The more we push a child who resists, the more likely he or she is to strike back and resist.

Sometimes a word can make a child cross his arms and stretch out his jaws so that he resists "you can't do me". Let's look at some of the words that cause resistance, especially from strong-willed children who like to stand up for their own will.

Words of resistance.

Must be, like, "You gotta be on time!"

Never - for example, "Never be rude to the teacher."

Always - for example, "Always brush your teeth before you go to bed."

You - for example, "It's time for you to go to bed"!

No, like, "Don't yell at your brother."

Why would you encourage them to resist

Must", "Never" and "Always" are absolute terms. There's no way to change them. Absolute conditions cause resistance from children and young people, who do not like to be told what to do. Willful children and young people often see these terms as an open invitation to resistance. If you have more than one child, there is a high probability that you will have one of these children. If you were to say: "You should be good to your brother," a young abuser would think, "Let's take a look at this."

Healthy alternatives.

To help, you can replace absolute conditions with more moderate alternatives that do not corrupt your child. For example:

Try "Please be on time" instead of "You should be on time".

Try "It is better to be polite with your teacher" instead of "You should never be rude to your teacher.

Try "Brush your teeth before bedtime" instead of "You should always brush your teeth before bedtime".

Let them know what you're going to do.

Many children don't like to be told what to do. They like to think they're responsible for what they have to do. These kids don't behave badly - they just want to feel that they have everything under control. That means that sometimes their instinct for resistance becomes more than they want to follow them. Instead of telling the child what to do, let them know what you will do. This is a subtle but powerful change. An example:

Try "Goodnight" instead of "Go to sleep."

Try "I'll put food on the table when it's set" instead of "Set the table!".

Try "I'll take you to school at 8:30" instead of "Get ready by 8:30."

You'll have to go through this to use your language effectively.

Don't end with a negative.

When you complete the negative instruction, you only push the negative behavior deeper into the child's subconscious. If you say, "Don't yell at your brother," your child will yell over and over again.  Instead, say the behavior you would like to see in positive terms. For example, say "Say softly to your brother" instead of "Don't yell at your brother." If you can't eliminate the "don't," develop a habit of ending with a positive conclusion. For example: "Don't yell at your brother. Keep your voice down."

Words are important.

Their choice of words is crucial when it comes to the cooperation of children, who are more complex.

Of course, some parents believe that their children should always do what they say so that their language is seasoned with absolutes and negatives. This provokes resistance and can lead to a constant struggle between parents and children. If this is the case, the language you use may benefit from a little adjustment.

The basics of parenting

As a parent, there are seven important things you can do to help your children grow up to be independent adults.

1. Ensure freedom of information

One of the main characteristics of healthy families and organizations, even countries, is freedom to express their thoughts and observations. Secrets and bans on conversations are common in dysfunctional families. For example, the prohibition of mentioning grandmother's limp or father's drunkenness teaches children to be afraid and question their ideas and themselves. Children are interested in everything by nature. This is great, and it should be encouraged, not suppressed.

2. Show respect for your children.

Showing respect means listening to them and taking them seriously, which conveys to them that what they are and what they think and feel has value and dignity. You do not have to agree with what they say, but listening and understanding shows that you respect them and teach them self-respect. Talk to your children politely. Avoid criticism that is destructive to your self-esteem.

Instead, praise the behavior you want. Children should know that their behavior has an impact. You can set limits and explain the negative consequences of behaviors that you don't like without nicknames or criticism, such as "It drives me and others crazy if you clog the bathroom for half an hour. You make us all wait" instead of "You're selfish and careless when you litter the toilet. If you treat your child with respect, he will treat others with respect and expect the same in future relationships.

3. Accept the feelings of your children.

Many clients tell me that they are not allowed to express anger, complain, be sad, or even be upset. They have learned to suppress their feelings. This becomes problematic in their relationships with adults and can lead to depression. With good intentions, parents often say, "Don't be sad (or jealous, etc.)" or "Don't raise your voice. Letting children express their feelings is a healthy way out. Feelings do not have to be rational, they do not need to be "repaired". Instead, comfort your children and let them know that you love them instead of trying to dissuade them from feeling. Expressing feelings doesn't mean they need to be free to act. Tommy may be mad at his sister, but it's not good to beat her.

4. Respect the boundaries of your children.

Respecting children's thoughts and feelings is one way to respect boundaries. Oral insults and assaults violate their boundaries, as do unwanted touches and sexual or intimate relationships. This also includes tickling outside of the child's comfort level. Furthermore, the property, space and privacy of children should be respected. It is forbidden to read their mail or diary or talk to friends behind their back.

5. Children should be allowed to make age-appropriate choices, be responsible and be independent.

Co-dependent children have difficulty making decisions and are interdependent in relationships. Children need support to learn how to solve problems and make decisions. Parents are usually wrong at one extreme or another. Many children have to take responsibility for adults too early and never learn to accept or rely on anyone. Some children are controlled or overcome, they become dependent and do not learn to make their own decisions, while others are given unlimited freedom without guidance. Opposite types often marry each other. They lead an unbalanced marriage in which one spouse takes care of the other and both resent the other.

Children resist control because they want self-control. They naturally insist on independence, which is not rebellion and should be encouraged. Age-appropriate borders teach them self-control. When they are ready to test their wings, they need guidance that will help them make their own decisions, as well as the freedom to make mistakes and learn from mistakes.

6. They need reasonable, predictable, humane rules and penalties.

Relatives grow up in houses where there are no rules or where rules are rigid, rigid, inconsistent and arbitrary. Children need a safe, predictable and fair environment. When rules and penalties are arbitrary, harsh or inconsistent, rather than learning from mistakes, children become angry and afraid and learn not to trust their parents, authorities and others.

Rules must be clear and consistent, and parents must agree with them. Instead of basing the rules and penalties on emotions at the moment, they should think about what is important and what is reasonably practicable, which varies according to the age of the children and is more independent. Explain the rules to older children, let them ask you questions, and they will have a good reason to support your decisions. Research has shown that physical punishment can lead to emotional problems in adult life. The best punishments are reasonable, humane and involve the natural consequences of the offense.

7. Raise your children.

You can't give them too much love and understanding. It won't spoil them. Some parents use gifts or do not set boundaries to show love, but this does not replace the sympathy and affection needed for children to grow up to be confident, loving adults.

The best way for children to develop healthy self-esteem is to strengthen their own self-esteem. Otherwise, we may unknowingly hurt our children, contrary to our good intentions. If we do not heal ourselves, our parents' habits, beliefs and behaviors will be transmitted. We may also be mistaken if we try to do the opposite with parents and cause unintended consequences.

The purpose of paternity and parenting

EFFECTIVE SIGHTING CONSISTS OF FIVE PARTS.

1. According to your vision - look back at the vision you wrote for your parents. Instead of thinking about what "should be" or "should not be" goals, choose those that bring you closer to who you want to be as a parent or to what you want for your family.

2. In writing - Take your time to write down your goal. If you're creative, make it beautiful. Put it where you'll see it often. Unrecorded goals will be forgotten, while written goals are a constant reminder of what you are working on.

3. Present tension - write your goal as if you are already reaching it. This may sound crazy at first, but your brain doesn't know the difference. Once your brain is on board, your actions and feelings will follow. Like, "I speak to my children in peace."

4. Positive - make sure that your goal reflects what you will do differently and not what you no longer want to do.   For example, "I take a deep breath before I respond to my children" is much more effective than "I'm not screaming.

5 Time Consciousness - Give yourself a schedule, a date when you want to achieve this goal, or a certain time of day when you want to achieve this goal.   For example: "I spend 10 minutes a day between 7:00 p.m. and 7:10 p.m. talking to the child for 10 minutes every day.

TWO MORE STEPS...

Do you still feel depressed? Does your goal still seem too big to achieve?

Don't panic.   There are two more parts that you might want to add.

6. Break it down to determine the small steps you need to take to achieve that goal.   Looking at the target in small steps, you can stay on the right track, because it is much less frightening, and you gain momentum as you accomplish each small task.

7 Celebrate your success - a bad day doesn't mean you didn't reach your goal. You are not perfect, so do not strive for perfection. Instead, focus on getting back on track when you screw up. Celebrate the little steps you take on the road to your goal. Pet yourself on your back, put a gold star on your calendar, or tell a friend!

Positive tips for parents

Below are some of the things that you, as a parent, can do to help your baby during this time:

Mom reading to your baby

Read to the baby every day.

Ask her to find objects for you or name body parts and objects.

Play appropriate games with your baby, such as sorting shapes and simple puzzles.

Encourage her to explore and try new things.

Help develop your baby's language by talking to her and adding words that she starts to say. For example, if your baby says "Baba", you can say, "Yes, you're right - it's a bottle.

Encourage your child to become more independent by allowing them to dress and feed.

Encourage your child's curiosity and ability to recognize normal objects by travelling together in the park or taking the bus.

Children's safety first

As your child moves more, he or she will also face more dangers. Dangerous situations can happen quickly, so you should watch your child carefully. Here are some tips to help your growing baby stay safe:

DO NOT leave your baby near water (e.g. in baths, swimming pools, ponds, lakes, hot tubs or at the sea) or near water unattended. Seclude yourself from swimming pools in the garden. Drowning is the main cause of injury and death in this age group.

Lock the stairs with a small gate or fence. Lock doors in hazardous areas such as the garage or cellar.

Make sure your home is safe for children by closing all unused electrical outlets with plug covers.

Keep kitchen appliances, irons and heaters out of the reach of your youngest child. Turn the grips of the saucepans towards the back of the stove.

Keep sharp objects such as scissors, knives and pens in a safe place.

Including medicines, household cleaners, and poisons.

DO NOT leave your child alone in a car (i.e. a car, truck or van), even for a few moments.

Keep all weapons in a safe place out of reach of your child.

Healthy bodies

Give your child water and normal milk instead of sugar drinks. After the first year, during which your baby eats more and more solid food, breast milk remains the ideal supplement to his diet.

Your baby can become a very fussy and volatile eater. Babies need less food because they don't grow up so fast. It's better not to argue with him about it. Offer him a healthy food choice and let him decide for himself what he wants to eat. Keep trying new foods; it may take some time before he learns to love them.

Limit his time on the screen and develop a media plan for your family. External icon for babies under 18 months.

Your baby seems to be moving, running, kicking, climbing, or jumping all the time. Let him be active - he develops coordination and becomes strong.

Make sure your baby gets the recommended amount of sleep every night: For babies 1-2 years old: 11-14 hours per day (including sleep).